Are you relaxed in your life or your everyday routine? Many would probably answer "no" to this question. Those who move through everyday life with more composure also go through life happier and more content. Happiness coach Sabina Pilguj is convinced of this. In her book "Take it easy," she describes how to ensure more ease in life and more satisfaction. Now in an exclusive podcast interview.
Medicom: Ms. Pilguj, what prompted you to focus on the topic of composure in life?
Pilguj: I think an important milestone was when I flew to Ibiza for the first time in 1987. The island immediately cast a spell over me. I perceived a very special energy there. The people fascinated me. I suddenly experienced a completely different way of interacting, a special form of tolerance and openness, this feeling: everything is allowed to be. And then, of course, the special hippie feeling of the island. The artists, the creativity, nature with the beautiful juniper trees, the turquoise blue sea ... all of that and the special outlook on life of the people, that was such a profound experience, such an absolute contrast to the rather dry, Northern German way of interacting here.
But it may also be because: I was also very freedom-loving as a child. However, I then embarked, or had to embark, on a very linear academic path. My parents didn't give me that much freedom, and that ultimately didn't make me happy. That’s how I eventually stepped out of my classic professional life, out of a well-paid job, and followed my calling.
Stepping away from financial security was one thing, but the path to freedom was another. It wasn't always an easy path. But it was a learning path for me, because the greatest gain was the realization that money doesn't really make you happy, but rather that it is completely different things in life. But what is truly important—and this sounds quite romantic and flowery now—is that all of this would never have been possible without my wonderful husband with his understanding and financial foundation.
Medicom: "Take it easy" is the title of your latest publication. For many, however, living a relaxed life is not that simple. Despite technology, medicine, and economic progress, people are not happier and illnesses are increasing. You also write about this in the foreword of the book. What is missing for us? What is going wrong in our society today? You write about unrealistic expectations: professional success, a perfect family life, and a perfect appearance.
Pilguj: Well, what is missing? In my opinion, what is missing is an appreciation of one's own life. I find the knowledge that one's own lifetime is limited and that we really only have one life to be very important. That is often repressed, and it seems that "grabbing and achieving" is in the foreground. And the competitive society with the ever better, faster, more effective ... that simply wears people out. Always driven, they want to give their best and run like crazy on the hamster wheel, getting faster and faster, yet never reaching their goal.
Strengths are simply burned out, and this "being burnt out," burnout, which is increasing more and more, even though we actually have more time than my parents' generation and also live in more luxury. It's just like that. As you just said, these unrealistic expectations. Yes, professional fulfillment is in the foreground, professional success, children, and you would like to have a showcase family life. Especially we women, we also achieve an extreme amount, and we overestimate our own energy reserves and lose touch with ourselves. And I think whether man or woman, many just let themselves be lived instead of living their own lives.
I was in a store recently and I discovered a giant hourglass and then I thought: Yes exactly, that is this symbolic image that with the day of our birth, our own inner hourglass really begins to run down. If one were to make this more conscious, I believe then more gratitude and more appreciation for one's own life arises.
We really only have one life
Medicom: Good. Now we have recognized the illness. In your book "Take it easy," you dedicate entire chapters to this topic: The daily search for happiness or what prevents us from being happy and content in life. And on the one hand, several words appear there. Composure, satisfaction, and happiness appear, and they are mutually dependent. Can you briefly explain and summarize that again here?
Pilguj: If we were all a bit more mindful and practiced slowing down our everyday lives, then we would also be ready to experience both small and large moments of happiness. Sometimes it is a smile, or we discover a flower, or a moment, or these feelings of spring that show themselves. Nature is just changing, or you are at the beach and discover a shell, or a very special stone. Those are such small moments of happiness.
That might sound funny now. For me, it is absolutely normal when I am somewhere by the sea, regardless of whether I am here at the Baltic Sea or on my favorite beaches in Ibiza. I always look at the stones that are washed up there. Sometimes there are quite beautiful ones. I have already found very beautiful stones with heart motifs. At some point, a friend came along. We met there. She comes from the big city, and she asked: "What are you doing there?" And I said: "I am looking at the stones." She was confused. I don't think she had ever done that in her life. Suddenly she also started looking at stones and picking them up and had such bright eyes. That was such an absolute moment of happiness, and through these small moments of happiness, we develop the joy of living, that is, zest for life.
Medicom: If there were a recipe and the end result were happiness, what belongs in it besides collecting stones? There are other points that you also mention in your book. For example: Gratitude. That is another point besides the topic of composure. What do you mean by gratitude?
Pilguj: There is no patent recipe for happiness. A laughing feeling of happiness, the stone that you find. And when you accept that somewhere, but also step back yourself, then composure can develop. It is so automatic. Here I also say: discover the inner hippie in yourself and be able to let things be. That is also absolutely important.
Happiness is always such a happiness hype. I always have the feeling that everyone is currently on the hunt and wants to find happiness so compulsively, but that doesn't work, because there are only moments of happiness. And even I can experience a moment of happiness and a moment later I am annoyed or sad. That’s life. I just think it's more important to align your thoughts optimistically. Because such a positive thought alignment is a different basic attitude. That is also the basis for a happiness factor and that can be trained.
If one thinks of the classic image, the optimist or the pessimist. The glass is half full or half empty. If you are prepared to open yourself up to positive alignment, then you also develop an eye for moments of happiness. Then you can be happy about small joys. And happiness hormones are released.
All of that together really results in composure, and on top of composure as a crowning touch, the moments of happiness. That also gives satisfaction when you are grateful for life.
Medicom: Happiness research deals mainly with the topic of happiness. How much does that have to do with genes? There are numbers from happiness research that state that we ourselves contribute 40 percent to feeling happy and content in life. How do you see that?
Pilguj: Well, the thing with genes... I believe that with personal responsibility, with determination, and willpower, every person can at any time discover everyday moments of happiness, that is, cast an eye on the beautiful, allow feelings of happiness, and practice that. But that often gets lost in society.
I can share an example, which I also always share in my seminars. I like being in the big city. When I walk around on Mönckebergstraße in Hamburg and I am there shopping and looking into people's faces, they are all really running at such a pace. Their faces are stony. I then always think: "Can people no longer laugh?"
Medicom: That is the stress. People who work and have to, want to, or are supposed to take care of their family. Small children or perhaps parents who have become dependent on care, or perhaps life is also marked by illness. What do you advise these people who perceive this as a burden in life? This naturally also limits the quality of life. Being ill is one thing; you can't change that so quickly.
Pilguj: So, if I am highly challenged and I only ever give, at some point I myself have no more energy, for example as a mother. You can imagine that figuratively. If my light no longer shines, then I can no longer pass on my light. It is also about perceiving yourself and making it clear to yourself: I am the most important person in my life. If I am doing well, if I practice self-love, self-appreciation, and treat myself mindfully, then I can also recharge my batteries and then I can also be there for others.
Illnesses are always a great challenge. I find it important to never give up courage and hope and absolutely to stay in contact with other people. Honestly: I cannot give a blanket piece of advice. Because every situation is individual and unique, and perhaps you can still, when you have a phase of illness and are not feeling so well, have a spark of gratitude, simply for every breath. That sounds strange now and is damn hard, but I will just leave that in the room.
Medicom: Good, let’s leave that in the room now. I would like to thank you for this lovely interview.
About the person:
Sabina Pilguj (1963) is an author, psychotherapeutic practitioner, and yoga teacher with a focus on children's yoga. Her topics are stress management, yoga with a focus on children's yoga, animals, and nature. Her latest book is titled "Take it easy. Gelassen durch den Alltag" (Take it easy. Relaxed through everyday life), published by Trias-Verlag. Her motto: Just let things be once in a while.
